Where Do I go from here ?
Where do I even start . 4 days ago my husband told me he was leaving. I am lost. My kids are so broken and I am the one who has to put them back together. They Just keep saying, he is coming back mommy. I fear he is not.He told me he has never forgiven me re: drugs, lying, chatting, etc. That was 3 yrs ago. Basically he stayed for the kids and cannot keep pushing me away and hurting me, here's the kicker up to about 2 weeks ago it was all good . Then he started pulling away. I thought things were perfect between us and now he is gone. I am scared and I have no idea how to start putting myself back together. I don't understand he says he still loves me but cannot forgive me . I don't understand the logic to that. Granted things could be worse. He is still paying the bills, or at least leaving the money in our account to pay them , all he asked for was enough to eat and put gas in his truck.Everything of his is still here minus a couple sets of clothes, a toothbrush and his blanket and pillows. The kids beg him to come back and he said he cannot. When they asked if he was never coming home he said "I never said that, I never once said I was never coming back" . He is still wearing his wedding band and he told me he would probably love me for the rest of his life. He also said he didnt know if he was filing for divorce yet and promised to talk to me about it first, so I knew papers were coimng. All these things keep hope alive , but my heart is so broken I am not sure if I could take not hoping.I suggested marriage counciling, he said it would do any good. What now?I am lost and cant keep from crying. how long does it take to stop hurting , I read somewhere it took one month for every year of the relationship, I say that is bullshit cuz I cannot see my heart healing ever, let alone ten months . And surely after ten months of this my heart will cease to exist. He is everywhere, I sm,ell him on the pillows I see him in all the family pictures, I cannot even make dinner without wondering if he is eating and thinking about how much he likes, dislikes or simply would not eat what I am making . He surrounds me but he don't cuz he is gone. Everyone keeps saying to me I am so shocked you guys had the best relationship of any couple we know. Well frankly I am shocked to cuz I thought we were going to be together "forever and a day" Hell the I-pod he got me for Valentines day was engraved with that . I cannot breeathe how can I live. Yet I have to hold on tight and keep my kids together. I wonder if it is easier for him not being with them than it is being here listening to the sob in their sleep. It is so sad . The 3 of us in bed at night crying ourself to sleep. I have to push my paid inside to console them. At least they will always have him. and me . they asked me last night, you won't leave us too will you mommy. NEVER EVER, I told them I only hope that eased their worried little hearts.